Did you know that few of us say “yes” or “no” clearly? Someone asks us to do something we don’t want to do and we demand how about it like demented children, instead of saying “yes” or “no”. And while I believe that usually, if we don’t want to do it, we should say so, I also realize that there are other factors.
It may be an emergency, or a relationship thing or some other thing that causes us to vote against ourselves. But for the most part, the reason we don’t say appropriate yes’s or no’s is that we have not established the boundaries necessary to assert ourselves the way we really want.
We kind of joke about it when we say, “What part of ‘No!” didn’t you understand. Careful establishment of our boundaries, boundaries being what we will not allow others to do to or for us, create a platform for clearly saying “Yes” or “No.”
Standards, on the other hand, being the normal expectations we have for our own behavior, will predispose us to a “Yes” or a “No’ before we are inquired of.
Both Standards and Boundaries, thus give us a way of being clear about what we agree or disagree to do. Start with yourself and then do it with others.
“Saying yes and no clearly builds confidence and rids us of the misconception that we are powerless.”
—Marsha Sinetar
Coach http://cli.gs/ueyNNE
I will take specificity anytime I can get it. Perhaps the ambigous answerers are responding to ambigous questions!
Saying “yes” or “no” clearly and with conviction lets people know what you want. It’s simple as that.